i trust. i surrender. i donate myself. i am intense. i don’t like to admit it, but i am. i know i am. hence my disillusionments, my disappointments, my head injuries, all my traumas and traumatism. it’s a vicious circle.
i know.
despite being very sincere, frank and direct, my biggest problem is still keeping a lot of things just for me; say only when they ask, however people never ask and when they ask, they are not prepared to hear the truth.
hearing truths hurts and so i commit my biggest crime.
but i’m not talking about love now, i’m talking about friendship, because i’ve handpicked my friends, all of them. i thought i chose well, because everyone has qualities that i admire.
except one, it seems.
and how i usually paraphrase them: they are my people. although this is where the disappointment becomes proportionately more catastrophic, anatomical.
but i was deceived, i was the victim of a lie, a false friendship, a person without morals and so hypocrite who does everything contrary to what he normally says to sell himself as someone who is not; i was almost caught up in real and infamous bullshit, under the most absurd excuse that the interest was only material because i would also need the results obtained.
however, i would never make my friends exchange coins, products to be bargained for so cheaply and much less would i sell myself futilely.
but i didn’t notice the prejudice embedded in small comments and jokes, the blunders in some ways of positioning, the latent exhibitionism, the futile need to get some likes, the shallow way of thinking.
i was warned; i was warned several times that this could happen, but i did not listen, because i do not give up easily on those who are mine, i insist and persist, i know it is a mistake, but i am like that, intense even in my friendships.
even though, there are people who come and stay forever; there are still those people who come and for some reason has to leave, leaving only good memories, even if you don’t want to say goodbye; and there are still those people who goes and then come back; however, there are people you need to kick their asses out of your life [with a nice kick], because in fact they don’t do you any good.
i know, life seems to be even more cruel at that point, because we are talking about friends and friends, real friends should never say goodbye [or be kicked with a beautiful kick in on their asses from our lives].
and i can be wrong about all of this, i hope i am wrong; however, that is the feeling.
about everything 